None So Blind As Cannot See

This week we actually learned honest to god lesson type things.

1. The Crap Invincibles aren’t going to be invincible. Having thoroughly ballsed up the first half of the season by drawing waaaaaay too many tiddly matches, Man U hit their stride, then hit the wall by losing to Wolverhampton Wanderers, the team at the bottom of the league. Go figure.
2. This year is all going to be about defences. Was it a coincidence that Man U’s loss came after HisNameIsRio had to be dropped after spanking a calf in the warm up, thereby forcing them to field Johnny Evans in central defence against Wolves? Or that Arsenal’s spastic collapse came after Djourou was subbed and replaced by the  possibly even worse Squillaci? Or that this week’s results (Sunday aside) produced the greatest glut of goals since records began? I suspect not. Prem defences are in ruins, with even the top teams having conceded 20+ already this season, almost a goal a game. Even Man U have conceded nearly as many goals this season as they did in the whole of last season. Although perversely Arsenal, the team that appears to need a defence most, has a current goals conceded per game slightly better than it was over the whole of last season.
3. Big money transfers don’t always bring immediate success. What with none of Torres, Dzeko, Dirty Suarez or Carroll even completing 90 minutes.

Football Can Be Really Annoying Sometimes

North East irritants Newcastle showed that, like many other irritating sides, they are more than capable of taking Arsenal to the cleaners. Although you’d never have thought it possible after 26 minutes when the Arse were 4 – 0 up. However, Arsenal are not a team to be taking a lead seriously. Indeed, while they once used to comfortably win games 1 – 0 and shut up shop as soon as they scored, they now appear to require a 2, 3 or in this case 4 goal cushion in order to have even the faintest of chances of scraping a point. This match demonstrated, as if demonstration were required, all of Arsenal’s strengths and failings. The first half was just sublime, sexy football. Arsenal cut open Newcastle, who seemed incapable of defending in any way whatsoever. Four glorious goals and a number of other chances and Arsenal looked set to win by a street (or two). One injury and one tackle later and everything was turned on its head.

In the second half, Newcastle actually decided to turn up. They got significantly closer to the Arsenal players and started playing a classic English ‘physical’ game – ie low talent, lots of effort harassing and precious little passing or playing. In contrast Arsenal kept up a Champions League style in the face of Championship tactics. Djourou’s loss to some kind of knee knock was critical as it brought the truly awful Squillaci into the game, while Diaby’s overreaction to Barton’s follow through tackle was understandable given he had his leg broken due to another bad tackle and was out of the game for 18 months, but it was equally obvious that this was exactly the reaction Newcastle were hoping to provoke. Even so Arsenal would have survived had it not been for some thoroughly incompetent refereeing, where practically every decision was given to Newcastle. Even the decisions given to Arsenal were wrong. Hopefully the entire ref team will be benched for a while.

Arsenal’s collapse was only made vaguely bearable by Man U‘s loss to Wolves. At a stroke Wolves managed to not only deprive the Crap Invincibles of their chance to outshine Arsenal’s Invincibles, but also moved Arsenal a point closer to Man U at the top of the table. Given the performance of both top two teams it’s clear that the fight for the title is far from over. Man U were strangely sluggish. Despite going one up in the 3rd minute, it appeared that, like Arsenal, they are incapable of holding a lead. It will be interesting to see who has the worst defensive record, Squillaci or Evans as they are both utterly useless. At least Evans has the consolation of being a statistical anomaly in Man U’s normally strong defence, Squillaci just joins a long, long, long list of crap Arsenal central defenders, including Cygan, Stepanovs, Silvestri, and, often, Gallas. Wolves, by contrast, were really up for the game. Admittedly they weren’t very good, but they were at least keen.

Man City made up for their loss last week by hammering a totally non-plussed West Brom. Once again, Tevez was their man, scoring a hattrick on his 26th birthday. Strangely he was born a day before Darren Bent and it’s interesting to compare their general style, what with Tevez bustling around the pitch the whole time looking to run himself into the ground, while Bent’s uncharismatic penalty box movement means that he can go missing for long periods of the game, but then pops up at the crucial moment. Given West Brom were poor, it’s hard to take anything serious out of this game.

You could argue that Loserpool Redsox have traded quality for team spirit, which seems like a good deal given they didn’t really have much of the latter and that the whole Moneyball ethos states that everyone has their price and that you should sell as soon as anyone matches it. Both they and Chelski needed to win this game, which had assumed a gravitas far beyond the three points that were being contested. Once again it was the defence wot won it, with Loserpool’s being fairly good, keeping out a vaguely interested Torres, while Chelski’s was uncharacteristically indecisive, both Cech and Ivanovic making shockingly poor decisions.

Tottingham need to get more wins like they did at Bolton if they’re going to continue to press for the Big Cup positions. Level on points with Chelski, four behind Man City with a game in hand, they’re keeping the Race for Fourth honest. And they needed the sort of last minute, slammed from outside the area spectacular winner that Kranjcar scored to take all the points. Their next big match is AC Milan in the Big Cup. Which will be tasty.

In the tedium of midtable, Villa and Fulham shared the points. Imagine, a Mark Hughes team in score draw shocker. Everton gave Blackpool the sort of thumping  (5 – 3) that everyone expected they’d be getting when they were promoted. However, the gap was rather cosmetic as Everton scored their 5th on the break as Blackpool were piling forward looking to get a point. Crap wankers Stoke managed to scrape past a game Sunderland, in a match that confirmed the victory of physically painful hoofery over attempted style.

Meanwhile, down in the World of W, Wigan managed to escape from the basement, if only for a day, as they beat Real Blackburn. Again it was a poor display by the Real defence that provided Wigan with their points. And Boremingham slapped their way through a truly poor West Ham, who despite fielding pretty much all of their forwards, were let down by their utter lack of quality in defence. Upson in particular was ghastly and was subbed at half time. Boremingham were not good either.

Rob Green Save Of The Day

Yes there were spoons and shockers aplenty. However, this week the prize has to go, for the umpteenth time, to The Entire Arsenal Defence, who yet again showed that there is no lead large enough to cover for their tactical incompetence and defensive inability. To concede one penalty is unlucky, to concede two smacks of carelessness. But to concede another two goals (three if you count Best’s incorrectly ruled offside goal) is surely the stuff that only bad dreams are made of. Wenger may be all about developing talent and nurturing quality, but the truth is that in over 10 years the only truly quality defender he’s brought through has been Ashley Cole and that his defensive purchases have largely been pretty fucking awful. What Arsenal need is an inspirational defensive coach and probably an established central defender in his mid-20s to provide quality and competition in the side. It’s clear that neither was acquired during the January transfer window. If Arsenal go to play Barcelona with this defence, the scoreboard will need an extra set of zeros because they are going to get spanked.

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